The worst year of my life and what it taught me

That's me and Dad on the first day of his chemo treatment. It was St. Patrick's Day 2011

Well, to say 2011 has been the most fucked up year I've had to date is probably an understatement. As you've read, we've been through some serious mud courtesy of the Universe. Despite all of this bullshit and horror, it's taught me a lot about myself and the people I have previously and now surround myself with.

For starters, I believed that I would be graduating from college by December of this year. Unfortunately, life had other plans. I also decided to try my hand at the ultimate multi-tasking experience of life by doing the FT college, FT mom and part time employee thing. Don't get me wrong, I've worked most of my life, but when you have a husband who's the breadwinner and haven't worked a regular job in almost 11 years and have crap work history over that time, people don't want to give you the chance to explain that every time your kids are sick, your minimal pay has to be forfeited to take care of those kids so your husband can continue to work at double to triple the pay you make. So, I made the decision to go back to school in lat 2009 as opposed to getting fired for working a minimum wage crap job and getting fired in a few short weeks. This gave me the chance to be around other "adults" and eventually have a future for my family where hubby didn't have to work 80 hours each week for us to survive.
I got a part time receptionist job at a company that was a 13 mile drive (1 way) from home. We then moved from Largo to St. Pete shortly after, making that drive an extra 5 miles longer and it started right after my kids got out of school and was getting me home after they were in bed. My parents were helping a lot and my husband was dealing with the dinner and bed time routine and chores wonderfully. The downfall was that  we decided to keep our kids in school in Largo, so I was driving them to Largo in the mornings, driving back to St. Pete for classes, back to Largo to pick them up, back to St. Pete to my mom's, then I was driving to Palm Harbor to work, then back home to St. Pete when I was done for the night. This wasn't too bad at first, but gas quickly went up to $3.90/gallon and the driving was exhausting. That doesn't even count my instant road rage as soon as I sit in the drivers seat.
A few short weeks after all of this, we were told of my fathers diagnosis. This was maybe a month into my working, about a month into the semester of classes and only a week or 2 into us moving into a new house. (That was falling apart and we soon found out was in foreclosure). But, we were going to figure it out.
Dad started chemo in mid-May, just about a week and a half after diagnosis and it wasn't too bad at first. We handle everything with humor, however inappropriate in my family. I continued to work and go to school, but the job didn't last. I didn't think it was right to burden my parents with watching the kids for me to work with this new pile of shit on their heads. So, I ended up having to leave the job after only working for them for a short 2 1/2 months. It sucked, because I enjoyed working with the people, though the job itself wasn't so great and neither was the mileage.
We got papers from an attorney just a few days after Dad starting treatment, they were requesting a final judgment of foreclosure on a house that we had already dumped almost $2500 out of pocket into in hopes of fixing it up and eventually buying. (Forgot to mention that I was T-Boned first thing in the morning of moving day and that shoulda been a sign) So, I made furious phone calls and was doing tons of research both for school and about the house and about my father's treatments and cancer.
Flash forward to the first few days of May and the end of Spring classes, I made the decision to take the summer off of school to go with my father to Dr's and treatments and spend some time with the kids for the summer.
THAT didn't work out, either. I found a job for cash working as a remodel assistant. (manual labor monkey) busting my butt, knocking up tile, painting and smelling like a 4 day old corpse when I left. I LOVED IT! But we also had to move due to the house situation, so I found a new place and signed the papers and go to work on fixing it up. (This place was a horror story in the making between the paint colors (think slaughtered 80's cartoon characters of all colors in every room) and the cleaning (19 hours on just cleaning the TILE floors)) So, I was working the equivalent of 2 remodeling jobs, doing the mom thing, and going with Dad. It wasn't too bad. I was loosing a TON of weight, too. BONUS!!!!
Here are some before and after photos of the [2nd] house we moved into.

The bedroom before

The bedroom after. 

The kitchen before. OMG!

The kitchen after. GO NOLES! lol

Now, these are the highlights. We didn't do much other than clean for a week and paint for another week and get the carpets cleaned, but it was cheaper and in the area we needed to be close to my parents. This house ended up taking up most of my time and my husband ended up having to go out of town for work, so I had to do the move mostly on my own with my mother driving a few loads to the new place and she helped me paint a bit. I got it all done in a matter of 3 weeks. Including the move and clean up of the old place. Most of it was done while working and taking the kids to and from school and around Dad's appointments and it made me feel wonderful that I was able to do it all and not break down.
All of this running around and moving also caused me to lose a SIGNIFICANT amount of weight in a short time and made me realize that my head and heart could handle everything as long as I kept moving and didn't sit still. Essentially this is what most call avoidance. I am a fucking PROFESSIONAL! I had moments of panic and uncontrollable sobbing, but then I'd move, walk, rake, lift weights, and it would all stop.
All of this also made me take inventory of the friends I had. The people that we'd been spending time with, dropping everything for and helping out, trying to workout schedules with the meet up and it occurred to me that not a single one of those mofos had bothered to call, stop by, or even send an email. How awesome is that? Other than the ones I posted about before, I had 1 person who seemed to give a crap that I didn't share a bed or DNA with. Linda.

Ignore the mess in the background, but this is me (in the orange) with Linda.

During all of this mess, she was the normal I needed. She let me vent and made me smile and just hung out and helped when we needed it most.
Don't get me wrong, Linda wasn't the only non-relative I spoke to for 9 long months, but she was the one who was there most often and most consistently. I also had Erin K, who bought me the coffee I needed and just allowed me the distraction and venting when her time would allow, there's also Amy who has a busy schedule, but she came over to run with me, hung out for the ceremony we had, and more recently attended a naughty fitness class that was hilarious. I also had Susan aka MS14. She's been super cool to hang out with and helped me work through my frustrations with fair weather friends and she's bought me lunch on days when she's off and we just generally have a good time and talk. She also gives me suggestions and things to think about when it comes to treatments and such with Dad, seeing as how she's a nurse and all. lol
I also have other friends that have a ton going on and I haven't been able to see often like Gary, Crystal and Gina. They all have their own thing going and I love them for the times I do get to see them, or just poke fun at them on face book.
I also reconnected with my old friend Chris and met his amazingly awesomely wonderful wife Leina that I have more in common with than 2 strangers from opposite sides of the country should. Chris and Leina are wonderful friends and they own a tattoo shop and a gym and work extremely hard and have super long hours and live too far away, but when it comes down to it, they're the ones that I can just vent incessantly to, like Linda, and they just take it all.
These are the people that I am the most thankful for. The ones who aren't "brought down" by my negativity. (fucking cheap cop out.)
This year has also taught me that family does not equate to loyalty and reliability. I have family that is genetic, but the majority of them can suck it. Hardly any of them have bothered to even contact my mother or father or I about my Dad and he's THEIR EFFIN BROTHER! Then there's my "nuclear" family. Mom, Dad, and little brother. We're a strong set. Anyone weaker would have broken under what we've dealt with. And then there's my chosen family. My cousin Jen, while genetically related is also a part of the chosen group. She's called me more than almost any of my friends and worries about my father and mother almost as much as I do, I'm sure. There's also the one I like to call Rahkenstein. She is amazingly strong and has no idea. She has a HUGE heart and has so much pain in her past that I don't know how she does it. She has so many medical things going on at any given time that I worry about her every day, but she worries about my family and I just as much. Then there's my in-laws. My husbands wonderful family.

My husband's grandfather had to have his leg amputated due to the shitastic disease myosarcoma. I sat with my husband's family the entire day of the surgery at Moffitt because I knew that feeling all too well. The feeling was still fresh for me, but my husband's boss wouldn't allow my husband to leave work, so I went in his stead. I know it's probably not the same, but I felt like I could do something to help, having been in that exact same chair not 3 months earlier.

On top of all of this crap, we've had both vehicles break down, Dad's been hospitalized twice, my husband almost quit his job, my son skipped his first class, I've cried myself to sleep and thought things would just get worse. Despite all of the bullshit we've gone through this year, we've still managed to do our yearly breast cancer walk and donations, I've held my GPA up and improved it once I went back to classes in August, my husband and I renewed our wedding vows after 10 years of marriage, the kids are doing alright, we had a pretty good Christmas except that it was the first one my father missed my entire life, because he's been in the hospital for 22 days now. For all of that, we've grown stronger as a family and I have become stronger as a person. I'm down 80+ lbs (out of avoidance and a poor attempt to literally run away from it all), my husband got a good report from his Dr on his state as a diabetic, and we've helped my parents with what they needed.
Over all, this has been one really shitty year. One which I can't wait to wish good riddance to. The only good thing to come out of it is knowing that we van handle the worst and not kill anyone in the process.

I will not make resolutions, because it's all just another way to write down something I'll most likely fail at or kick myself for not overachieving. I will say that I will try. I will try to continue on the path of being better at what I've proven to be pretty decent at this far. I will try REALLY REALLY hard to NOT end up in jail or the psych ward. I will try to remember these 3 photos that I took of journal covers I saw in TJ Maxx when Christmas shopping.

And within those you surround yourself with.

I sure as hell hope so.

I try to, as often as possible.

And this one, I need to remember when it comes to everything else in life.

I'm hoping that a metaphorical fire is ok. Literal would be painful.

And THIS is our family motto:

On that note, have a HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR! BRING ON 2012!!!!!!!!!!

He is human, after all. That kinda sucks.

As children growing up in healthy homes, we tend to idolize our parents. It's not something we decide consciously, but we see them as bigger that life and with all of the answers and abilities that we didn't see them obtain and our only explanation is that they're "super" and have some amazing power.
As we grow and become more experienced at the battle of life, we see them as human but still hold them to a higher standard. (except maybe between the ages of 13 and about 18) We unconsciously place them on pedestals and expect them to have some type of super power as if they'll forever be indestructible.

As adults, we learn that our parents are not super heroes after all and they don't really have any super powers, but are human. Once we have our own children and we begin to experience what our parents have gone through, we begin to assume the role of "super" to our children without ever realizing it. While we all know that our parents aren't super heroes of the mythic sense, they do remain our heroes in some way.

Very few things have ever put me in a position to hate that my parents are "simply" human more than the monster that is cancer. My father has always been more than just a man, my dad, my mother's husband; he's been a super hero. He made amazingly impossible softball plays (and so did my super mom), he worked more hours than I thought were humanly possible for anyone to physically be capable of, he's been "the ideal" all my life. And now this horror shows up in our lives.
Yes, my dad has been sick in the past and he even took around 11 whole days off of work in the last 15 years. I've seen him cry at funerals and he may have even had a bit of leaking from the tear ducts on my wedding day. I've seen him sore and witnessed a few drops of blood seep out of his skin when he was cut, but never anything that took him down. In my eyes as a child, my dad could wrestle an angry bear and put a wild lion in a sleeper hold and knock him out and come out of both barely breaking a sweat, but now I've seen the extent it his humanity and holy shit, does it suck!
My dad is not supposed to be able to be afraid, he's never been afraid of anything. He's not supposed to be in constant pain or be sad or get depressed. Those are all normal human things and he's supposed to be super human. He's my DAD! And now you, cancer. You come along and hit me in the face with the big ass reality brick and fuck everything up. Fuck you.

Know this! We are a family. Not just any family, but the strongest of this family you will EVER encounter and this is MY DAD! He's a super hero and he is going to fight and kick your evil ass. Sure, there are going to be days when he's unsure or days when he's truly scared or tired, but those are the days where you get to look over his shoulder and deal with ME! I will be right behind him this entire fight and I know that I may not look scary, but I am angry and strong and I have children that expect my dad to be there when they need him and a brother who needs to be able to hang out with him and a mother who loves her husband more than anything. So help me, I am going to make all of those things happen come hell or high water.
So, cancer, while some days may seem like you're gaining the upper hand, don't mistake that for you winning. Everyone has to slow their pace a bit to catch their breath, we all have to look up to see the finish line, all this does is strengthen our will and renews our fighting spirit.

That is my super dad and he taught me to be a stubborn, strong, fighter of a daughter and we're competitive by nature. You should know that we are here to win and we will take nothing less.

And now I've heard it all ***INUNDATED WITH PROFANITY***

Well, today was an ok day. Cleaned the guns with Dad and hubby, hubby got under my skin, as per usual and was close to getting stabbed, Dad was in a good mood, hung with the parents for the day, watched the world cup (Awesome job, USA, you'll get those sushi makers next time!) was relaxing for a change. No real cancer talk, except for the plan for pre-op for Dad. Then we come home....
A few days ago I decided it was a good idea to email an old friend that I've known for years. Most of my life, to be honest. My father and her mother have known each other since being teenagers, we grew up together after I was about 11, went different directions in life (I took the douche road, she took a scholarship and college education), lost touch for a while, started getting close again, then Dad's diagnosis hit. We'd hung out, her, her sister, my husband, our kids and I for a few months, very often and had a great time and what I thought was a pretty solid friendship. No using and abusing or back stabbing, really straight-forward almost grown up friendship. She and her sister lost their father to cancer almost a year ago, so when we got the diagnosis, I knew it would be hard for them to hear, but figured that the semi-good prognosis we got would be a little easier and that maybe we did have some people in our lives that understood what we were facing and the fear and anxiety and shock we felt...
Boy was I fucking wrong. After we got the news and finally set up treatment (which only took about a week and a half) I spoke to them the day prior to Dad's first treatment. I told one of them how scared I was and how I'm the kind of person that needs distractions and people around to help me keep my sanity and not completely break down. I know they are the opposite and tend to isolate, but I thought they understood where I was coming from, so when I didn't hear from either of them for 3 months I finally broke down and emailed.
I explained the current situation, said I knew that it was probably hard for them to hear and understood that it was probably something that they had a hard time facing. I also told them how hurt and super pissed off I was that they just walked the fuck away like it was nothing. After all, they've known my dad Since they were about 8 and 11. I explained that I missed them and being able to hang out, but I was also furious that the ONLY people that I thought I could talk to about all of this and who could possibly grasp the fear and anxiety and heartbreak I was experiencing just didn't seem to care. Now, prior to all of this I did ask how they were doing, how their mom was and how school and jobs were going. I also began with the I miss you part, not the "you guys are total dick bags, how could you" part or the "oh, hey, Dad's getting part of his lung chopped off in a week or so" part.
The response I received was infuriating and the reasoning was fucking laughable, AT BEST. I was told that I couldn't possibly understand their feelings about it and that they didn't have a father and I do, so I couldn't see how it upset them. They couldn't deal with how negative I am, mind you I'm the same amount of asshole I was 20 years ago, maybe less, and that it's hard for them to deal with any of this because I still have my dad and it hasn't been a year yet since theirs has passed. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? So, you can't hang around or fucking talk to me for 3 months because my father hasn't died from this fucking shitty cancer? THAT'S YOUR PSYCHO REASON? And I was also told that I needed to back up and analyze myself before giving advice after posting on FB (aka the downfall of humanity and accountability of action and words) that I thought some people needed psych evals and I needed to remove them from my life. Now, that was something I posted, but it was directed at the shitty 20 year olds that bitch about their parents not buying them what they want or that they can't afford that new $45 bra from Victoria's Secret they want and THOSE are the bitches I dropped out of my life. 2 weeks after that I dropped all of the "Unknowns" and acquaintances off my friends list, then in another week or 2 I dropped the rest of the people I didn't feel needed to know what was going on with my father. Then I waited another week after other updates to see if there were many that inquired about how he was dealing with chemo or how his walking was doing or how the rest of us were coping with the newest clusterfuck that was happening before deleting the long time, some life long, friends and relatives that didn't seem to give a rats ass about the situation. They were in the LAST group. That was 1 full month, maybe a little longer AFTER the treatments began. AFTER the phones calls where I left messages, emails and texts when I said I just needed someone to talk to and listen to me vent because I couldn't hold it together on my own. You know how many people responded to any of that? DO YOU? 3, maybe. 3 fucking people out of the 30 or so I thought could be half way decent fucking humans and bother to check on my dad or answer when I call or call when they got my unintelligible sobbing voicemail. Got news for you, neither of those 2 were any of those 3. 1 of them was my mother, so technically it doesn't count, because we were kind of returning the same messages and calls to each other that we were making.
So I ask you this, if you were to have a friend, close or even half way between friend and acquaintance that was dealing with something you'd gone through recently and you were scared because it fucked you all up, would you just walk away and carry on knowing they had no one else other than family that was also dealing with it? What about if you had lost your mother to liver cancer 2 years prior and a friend you've known for 20 years calls and tells you that their mother has stage 3 cancer and has been given 6 months to live? Would you say "Oh so sorry, gotta run, hope it turns out alright. I'll wear a bracelet (that millions of others wear) and write their name on a piece of paper." cause it's awkward and upsetting and then just walk away from the people you grew up with? Or would you be a fucking human and at least call that person, or their parent who's dealing with the disease, just to see how things are going and ask if they wanna go have a drink or wanna go beat the shit out of something to get the anger out?
Would you be jealous and angry, at almost 30, because they still had a parent and yours had passed and use that as a reason not to be a friend?
WHAT THE FUCK? Apparently I'm the asshole cause you hurt me by walking away, but I didn't take into account that it's kinda rubbing it in your face that my Dad's LIVING with cancer, while it took yours. Sorry about that. Next time I'll remember that before I talk to anyone who's lost a parent, child, sibling or spouse about anything I'm dealing with, no matter how long I've known them. After all, why should I be upset or scared since they're at least still hear? I'll wait until they're gone before I bother you with my negativity and harsh your buzz again with my unreasonable fears.
Assholes.
Some of this may sound childish on my part, but I'm pissed off, my feelings are hurt and I have nothing to loose my anger on today but this cyber-notebook.
Hope your night was better than mine and I hope your enemies aren't half as dickish as my "friends".

Me, who I am, what I do, another warning, and other crap.

Now, onto me in the real world...


I'm 31, I have 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl. One of said children is my step-son who lives in TN (long Jerry Springer like story) so I may not post much about him. We love him and miss him dearly, but circumstances, mostly financial, do not allow him to be with us full time.
I've been married for 10 years and LOVE my husband. We've known each other since 6th grade, went on 1 date when we were 11, stayed friends, but didn't date again until almost 10 years later, then got married a short 2 1/2 months after we did start dating. He works full time+ in the construction field while I do the mom and student thing.
I'm very close to my parents, talk to them daily and we only live 2 miles from each other. My father is currently fighting cancer and, we thought, kicking it's ASS! We got news about a week ago that he has spots on the CT scan in his lungs, so we went to the Doc yesterday and found out that it's metastasized in both. While this sounds horrible and possibly terminal, we did receive good news. He goes for surgery 1 week from today to remove the small sliver of the upper lobe of his left lung where the tumor is, but we have to wait for the right lung due to the TEENY TINY size of the 1 definite spot and to keep an eye on the smaller, also the depth of them within the tissue is a problem. His official diagnosis was "Soft Tissue Sarcoma" and the original problem was a tumor in his right quad muscle. We dealt with chemo, which wasn't as horrible as some, and he's also done the radiation and we received the news of his lungs the day after his last radiation visit. (FML, for sure) The tumor in his leg shows necrosis (it's effin DYING!) and we would have had to wait for about a month for the surgery to remove it to allow the "Microwaved" tissue to heal enough. Unfortunately the Dr told him we have to figure out the lungs thing before the leg can be worked on again (he did NOT say this in a nice way and had I been there, I would probably be in jail), so here we are with that. This is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with in my life (other than the 3 minutes I couldn't find my daughter b/c she was hiding) and I wonder daily if I'll finally have that impending mental breakdown to have the lovely long awaited vacation in Addler (the beautifully redesigned psych ward nearest us).

I have very few friends, purely out of choice, due to their lack of ability to be decent human beings or grow the eff up! It seems that when we got the news about my dad everyone just up and disappeared, so I did the same for them. Now I only get phone calls from those people when they need help with their car, moving or they're in need of money. I say eff those people. It's my turn to be the a-hole that they've been to me since January. The friends I do have aren't very close, but I appreciate them more than they know. Right now, though, my closest friends are my husband, kids and parents. I miss most of these no-longer-friends more than they know, but their petty bullshit pissed me off too much to stick around and wait it out with everything else I was (and still am) dealing with.

I'm a college student, full time. Having done everything backwards from what most of us are taught (school, marriage, kids. Reverse all of that and you have me) Hey, why conform, right?!?! I'm a 31 year old college student working on my AA. I'm majoring in Psych (HA! I'm BiPolar and have Adult ADD) and I'm planning to minor in Theology. I like to figure out why people think, act and feel the way they do and I want to be able to relate those to their religious or spiritual beliefs. I'm fascinated by religion and the ceremony and ritual within a system and I am also appalled at some of the actions taken in the past and present when religious belief has been the excuse. My psychological approach is more of a standing of accountability. It's Humanistic, you need to accept the consequences of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and words and be held accountable for them. This applies to the everyday citizen, teachers, doctors, LAWYERS, and especially our POLITICIANS!
I'm an avid reader. (most of the time) I am in a paranormal fiction phase right now and love the supernatural aspects of fiction novels. I don't do aliens or sci-fi as much and I'm not real big into historical fiction, unless, of course there is a supernatural twist.
I also love to read about "obscure" religions. The less that is publicized or known, the more interested I am. I am most interested in the non-Christian religions, as there seems to be less controversy and coverage of these religions throughout the past. Nothing against Christianity, I grew up going to Catholic school, then to Christian school, I went to church, I read [most of] the book, I know how it ends. I just prefer to look into the basis of other systems and how the function and practice.
Well, this has been MUCH more than I planned to write for my first day of "blogging", so I'll let you [exactly ZERO] readers digest that all and decide if you would like to come back for more at a later time.
Please let me know if you find misspellings within my posts, as I try to catch them, but sometimes think faster than I type. My original plan was to be an English Teacher, but Psychology is more interesting as it changes and spelling really doesn't. lol
Have a great day/night (depending on where you are) and go have an adventure. Just try not to kill or maim yourself or anyone else in the process.
Peace out, Cub Scouts!


P.S.
I use parenthesis, A LOT. I think they're fun and add a little comedic pause, no matter how unnecessary. I also may come up with a new word for "blog" or try out a few. I don't know why, but the word Blog just sounds ridiculous and I'm not a techy or a nerd, so the act of "blogging" just isn't something I would say I do.

In the beginning, Sinner created this blog.....

A friendly hello to my exactly ZERO readers! lol I'm starting a new venture in blogging. Not that my verbal diarrhea in real life isn't enough, but there are some things that I just can't or won't say out loud or to certain people for various reasons. While I may be a total foot-in-mouth abrasive Aries, I do have a conscience and a minimal amount of tact and my parents and grandparents did teach me manners. (even if I don't always use them)
So, here's the skinny/deal/break down/411 on my thought for this blog (I really think that's a dumb word):

This "space" has been created as a place for me to vent, complain, gloat, whine, philosophize, plan, replan, muse, and just generally get things out. I plan to share my thoughts, ideas, feelings, failures, accomplishments, dreams, fears, frustrations, adventures, escapes, cool new crap I find or buy and just generally my life story. This is a place where I will document, however inconsistently, my trials, tribulations and victories of life as a mother, daughter, wife, sister, student, friend, and all around super-awesome ass kicking person.
The few people that will read this need to know a few things about me and what will go on at this here cyber documentary, without film:
1. I cuss... A LOT, so if vulgar language bothers you, you may very well want to skip reading my postings and find something a little less brash.
2. I tend to be angry and negative, A LOT. I've had some serious issues with trying to be the nice positive person people want me to be, so after 20 years of trying to change who I am, I've decided that I'm just gonna "do me" and say what I want and be who I am and the people who don't like it or me can find someone else to be around.
3. I'm a Pagan, not Christian. While I appreciate and try to respect all religious views as much as I can, the one thing I can't deal with in a tactful manner is people telling me that I'm wrong for believing in what I do. If you plan to preach or proselytize to me, please keep your virtual mouth shut and work on someone else that may consider converting to your belief system. I will NOT be born again, I feel I was born right the first time.
4. I'm a mother of 3 and a wife, but I am NO Suzy freaking Homemaker or June freaking Cleaver. I complain about my husband and children FREQUENTLY. While I DO LOVE THEM and would die for them without a 2nd thought, they irritate me quite often. Some of the time, it's over petty little things, but I will probably offend some and anger others with my parenting and wifely philosophy.
5. ***I WILL BE CUSSING QUITE FREQUENTLY*** This means that this is not a "family friendly" reading place and children under 16ish shouldn't be here reading my horrible language. Plus, you wouldn't want your kids to turn out like me, cause I'm a bad influence, so I'd go ahead and make sure that you use parental controls on your computer if it's shared with kids. lol
6. I'm dealing with a lot of stress, so be prepared to "hear" some things that may make you mad, sad or gasp. I'll most likely be telling you about it here.
7. I have a Facebook and a Twittter account. Twitter is open to anyone wanting to follow, though I don't do much Tweeting, I mostly just follow people there, but once in a while, I have something I feel the need to share with the celebrities that don't follow me back and go ahead and post it. My Facebook account is for people I know in real life, not really for the general populace that just wants a "friends list" of epic volume. I won't be posting a link for it and if you do friend request me, please know that if I ignore or refuse to approve you, it's simply because you may be a crazy stalker and the longer I can go without shooting someone in the face for attempting to rob my house (even though we really don't have much of anything of value) for my children to witness death before their eyes, the happier parent I will be.
8. I have very strong points of view, political, religious and personal. Please don't feel that it's necessary to attack me over them, as I'm 100% positive someone out there will get all "militant fundamentalist" on me and it's just gonna end badly.
9. I'm pretty angry at the moment, about many things. Be prepared to read about them all, cause I don't plan to hold back very much. I have no shame in my feelings and I also don't seem to be able to control them well. I figure that I'm old enough to own them and face whatever consequences my words and actions bring.
10. I'm a student, full time. My time, come Aug 22 may be limited, so this blog may fall to the wayside often. If you're following it and I haven't posted in a few days and you're actually curious about what's going on, feel free to ask me to post something. It may be short, but most likely it will be a friggin novel, kinda like this.

Now that I've covered all of that, think about it and figure out if you can deal with it, or if you are curious and feel free to come back... Or not, whatever. I'll continue to write anyway.

Now go have an adventure, but be careful, there are a lot of crazy people out there. (And you just read a posting from one of them)