He is human, after all. That kinda sucks.

As children growing up in healthy homes, we tend to idolize our parents. It's not something we decide consciously, but we see them as bigger that life and with all of the answers and abilities that we didn't see them obtain and our only explanation is that they're "super" and have some amazing power.
As we grow and become more experienced at the battle of life, we see them as human but still hold them to a higher standard. (except maybe between the ages of 13 and about 18) We unconsciously place them on pedestals and expect them to have some type of super power as if they'll forever be indestructible.

As adults, we learn that our parents are not super heroes after all and they don't really have any super powers, but are human. Once we have our own children and we begin to experience what our parents have gone through, we begin to assume the role of "super" to our children without ever realizing it. While we all know that our parents aren't super heroes of the mythic sense, they do remain our heroes in some way.

Very few things have ever put me in a position to hate that my parents are "simply" human more than the monster that is cancer. My father has always been more than just a man, my dad, my mother's husband; he's been a super hero. He made amazingly impossible softball plays (and so did my super mom), he worked more hours than I thought were humanly possible for anyone to physically be capable of, he's been "the ideal" all my life. And now this horror shows up in our lives.
Yes, my dad has been sick in the past and he even took around 11 whole days off of work in the last 15 years. I've seen him cry at funerals and he may have even had a bit of leaking from the tear ducts on my wedding day. I've seen him sore and witnessed a few drops of blood seep out of his skin when he was cut, but never anything that took him down. In my eyes as a child, my dad could wrestle an angry bear and put a wild lion in a sleeper hold and knock him out and come out of both barely breaking a sweat, but now I've seen the extent it his humanity and holy shit, does it suck!
My dad is not supposed to be able to be afraid, he's never been afraid of anything. He's not supposed to be in constant pain or be sad or get depressed. Those are all normal human things and he's supposed to be super human. He's my DAD! And now you, cancer. You come along and hit me in the face with the big ass reality brick and fuck everything up. Fuck you.

Know this! We are a family. Not just any family, but the strongest of this family you will EVER encounter and this is MY DAD! He's a super hero and he is going to fight and kick your evil ass. Sure, there are going to be days when he's unsure or days when he's truly scared or tired, but those are the days where you get to look over his shoulder and deal with ME! I will be right behind him this entire fight and I know that I may not look scary, but I am angry and strong and I have children that expect my dad to be there when they need him and a brother who needs to be able to hang out with him and a mother who loves her husband more than anything. So help me, I am going to make all of those things happen come hell or high water.
So, cancer, while some days may seem like you're gaining the upper hand, don't mistake that for you winning. Everyone has to slow their pace a bit to catch their breath, we all have to look up to see the finish line, all this does is strengthen our will and renews our fighting spirit.

That is my super dad and he taught me to be a stubborn, strong, fighter of a daughter and we're competitive by nature. You should know that we are here to win and we will take nothing less.

Me, who I am, what I do, another warning, and other crap.

Now, onto me in the real world...


I'm 31, I have 3 kids, 2 boys and a girl. One of said children is my step-son who lives in TN (long Jerry Springer like story) so I may not post much about him. We love him and miss him dearly, but circumstances, mostly financial, do not allow him to be with us full time.
I've been married for 10 years and LOVE my husband. We've known each other since 6th grade, went on 1 date when we were 11, stayed friends, but didn't date again until almost 10 years later, then got married a short 2 1/2 months after we did start dating. He works full time+ in the construction field while I do the mom and student thing.
I'm very close to my parents, talk to them daily and we only live 2 miles from each other. My father is currently fighting cancer and, we thought, kicking it's ASS! We got news about a week ago that he has spots on the CT scan in his lungs, so we went to the Doc yesterday and found out that it's metastasized in both. While this sounds horrible and possibly terminal, we did receive good news. He goes for surgery 1 week from today to remove the small sliver of the upper lobe of his left lung where the tumor is, but we have to wait for the right lung due to the TEENY TINY size of the 1 definite spot and to keep an eye on the smaller, also the depth of them within the tissue is a problem. His official diagnosis was "Soft Tissue Sarcoma" and the original problem was a tumor in his right quad muscle. We dealt with chemo, which wasn't as horrible as some, and he's also done the radiation and we received the news of his lungs the day after his last radiation visit. (FML, for sure) The tumor in his leg shows necrosis (it's effin DYING!) and we would have had to wait for about a month for the surgery to remove it to allow the "Microwaved" tissue to heal enough. Unfortunately the Dr told him we have to figure out the lungs thing before the leg can be worked on again (he did NOT say this in a nice way and had I been there, I would probably be in jail), so here we are with that. This is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with in my life (other than the 3 minutes I couldn't find my daughter b/c she was hiding) and I wonder daily if I'll finally have that impending mental breakdown to have the lovely long awaited vacation in Addler (the beautifully redesigned psych ward nearest us).

I have very few friends, purely out of choice, due to their lack of ability to be decent human beings or grow the eff up! It seems that when we got the news about my dad everyone just up and disappeared, so I did the same for them. Now I only get phone calls from those people when they need help with their car, moving or they're in need of money. I say eff those people. It's my turn to be the a-hole that they've been to me since January. The friends I do have aren't very close, but I appreciate them more than they know. Right now, though, my closest friends are my husband, kids and parents. I miss most of these no-longer-friends more than they know, but their petty bullshit pissed me off too much to stick around and wait it out with everything else I was (and still am) dealing with.

I'm a college student, full time. Having done everything backwards from what most of us are taught (school, marriage, kids. Reverse all of that and you have me) Hey, why conform, right?!?! I'm a 31 year old college student working on my AA. I'm majoring in Psych (HA! I'm BiPolar and have Adult ADD) and I'm planning to minor in Theology. I like to figure out why people think, act and feel the way they do and I want to be able to relate those to their religious or spiritual beliefs. I'm fascinated by religion and the ceremony and ritual within a system and I am also appalled at some of the actions taken in the past and present when religious belief has been the excuse. My psychological approach is more of a standing of accountability. It's Humanistic, you need to accept the consequences of your thoughts, feelings, actions, and words and be held accountable for them. This applies to the everyday citizen, teachers, doctors, LAWYERS, and especially our POLITICIANS!
I'm an avid reader. (most of the time) I am in a paranormal fiction phase right now and love the supernatural aspects of fiction novels. I don't do aliens or sci-fi as much and I'm not real big into historical fiction, unless, of course there is a supernatural twist.
I also love to read about "obscure" religions. The less that is publicized or known, the more interested I am. I am most interested in the non-Christian religions, as there seems to be less controversy and coverage of these religions throughout the past. Nothing against Christianity, I grew up going to Catholic school, then to Christian school, I went to church, I read [most of] the book, I know how it ends. I just prefer to look into the basis of other systems and how the function and practice.
Well, this has been MUCH more than I planned to write for my first day of "blogging", so I'll let you [exactly ZERO] readers digest that all and decide if you would like to come back for more at a later time.
Please let me know if you find misspellings within my posts, as I try to catch them, but sometimes think faster than I type. My original plan was to be an English Teacher, but Psychology is more interesting as it changes and spelling really doesn't. lol
Have a great day/night (depending on where you are) and go have an adventure. Just try not to kill or maim yourself or anyone else in the process.
Peace out, Cub Scouts!


P.S.
I use parenthesis, A LOT. I think they're fun and add a little comedic pause, no matter how unnecessary. I also may come up with a new word for "blog" or try out a few. I don't know why, but the word Blog just sounds ridiculous and I'm not a techy or a nerd, so the act of "blogging" just isn't something I would say I do.